Meet Chelsea: She Talks About Her Past Eating Disorder, Walking Away From SoulCycle + What She Has Learned About Finding True Happiness

By @Chelsea.Schellenberg

Hey! My name is Chelsea. Usually this is where I’d say what my job or career titles me as, but right now I wouldn’t say I identify with any kind of “title” other than ME. I would say though that I’m a big dreamer and a motivated go-getter, who has been able to quickly manifest a whooole lot of goodness.

Have you ever dreamed something so big that it actually happened? 

This past year I’ve gone deep into learning more about why I am the way I am, and it’s been hard, scary, and rewarding. I moved back to Edmonton, AB, spent a summer scooping ice-cream, ventured into the jungle with 17 incredible women to become a Yoga Teacher, cried a lot, laughed a lot, and took the time to reconnect to who I am. I’ve committed to healing, slowing down, and trusting where I’m being guided to rather than chase what I think might make me “happy”. 

To give you more context into my journey, I had a short career as a Professional Indoor Cycling Instructor.

I had the incredible opportunity to reconnect to my passion for music, dance and movement, and live into a manifestation I had dreamt for years, which was to teach at SoulCycle. Growing up I was a dancer, so from the first time I took a spin class I was addicted to the feeling of my body moving with a group of people to the beat of the music and expressing myself through a different type of movement. Now, when you pair that with soulful messaging and the goal of “changing someones life”, it became a big aspiration of mine to be apart of the best of the best. 

To give you more of an idea of my past, I’m kind of known to change my mind and when I want to do something I usually follow it. I’ve lived a pretty interesting life because of this, and I’m sure my parents haven’t loved all of my decisions, but it’s really not about them (haha). With this dream to work for the top indoor cycling company in the world, I truthfully thought that it would give me all that I was missing in my life.

Sure enough, that wasn’t quite the case.

I was chasing what I thought would bring me happiness, but when I got to where I had dreamed of, I realized I was still the same person doing the same thing, only in a different city, at a different studio. It’s actually a similar story to the one of my eating disorder. It was an obsession that as soon as I hit that goal weight, I’d be happy.

I now know that I was never actually happy with myself and that’s why I continued to chase and chase and chase. It was never about my body; it was that I didn’t like myself. 

So, to be 100% honest I was expecting some kind of crazy shift to occur as soon as I stepped foot into that room full of 52 bikes, just like when I had stepped on the scale to see my weight. I thought I would feel fulfilled, complete, on top of the world, and like a new person - but for some reason I felt no different from who I was and what I was doing before. Yes, there was definitely more freedom, creativity, and a larger community, but I guess I was expecting some kind of crazy light to shine down on me, turning me into some unstoppable being with no fears and all the happiness possible.

As you probably guessed, that didn’t happen!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was so incredibly grateful for the opportunity and found that I was pinching myself for first week as a SoulCycle instructor, but it still wasn’t what I had expected to feel.

It was a biiiiig wake up call! 

This feeling lead to one of the many lessons I learned during my time with SoulCycle. Nothing rang more true than it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, but what matters is your relationship with yourself and your ability to accept and love who you are.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but happiness truly lies within us, and we can’t “achieve” it through anything external. Yes - things, jobs, and people can bring us joy, but to actually feel whole and complete, it’s nothing external - at all. Your relationship to self is probably the MOST important relationship you will ever have - EVER.

Accepting who you are is one of the most freeing things you can do.

When you choose to accept it, you give yourself permission to take all power back in your life, own your true essence, and live into what you really want. The worry of what others think will begin to dissipate, you will find more joy in all of your relationships, and a sense of freedom will overtake the feeling of being stuck or unsatisfied with your life.

So, I did that.

I began to trust what felt right in my body and trust my inner knowing. I left what I thought was my dream career, with zero regrets and no real idea what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to figure out why anything I did wasn’t giving me the satisfaction I was craving, from no one but myself. 

Now, I get it. It’s easy to get caught up in titles, have the desire to look good, need the approval of family and friends, and chose something because it logically looks like the “right” move.

It’s also absolutely okay to have a goal for 5 years, and then change your mind.

Our lives aren’t linear.

We are human beings constantly evolving and adapting, so for us to see things as a “waste of time” or question if something was meant to be - stop questioning and worrying.

It was meant to be because it happened - and if you chose to step into trust rather than questioning it, I guarantee it will lead to something better than you could have imagined.

It’s not easy, and it’s an every day practice. 

It’s an incredible feat to try something new and allow yourself to expand from your comfort zone, so acknowledge yourself when you do. It’s great to have some discipline and structure, but even better to find freedom within that. It’s good to slow down from the fast paced lives we live, allow time for rest, and celebrate the small wins. It’s important to listen to what you’re resisting and even better to ask WHY you’re resisting it, because it often leads to lessons, learnings, and opportunities to grow. Lastly, it’s VITAL to listen to our bodies because they have way more intelligence than we give them credit for. Touch base with your beautiful body, everyday and allow yourself to live into what feels right. I guarantee that’s exactly what’s meant for you, you just have to trust. 

Above all else, get to know who you are. Love on yourself like no one else - cherish the moments of sweet solitude - stop comparing yourself to everyone else - challenge and push yourself - and of course, be gentle.

I’m not saying I’m perfect in ANY way, but my journey has been. I’m proud of myself for going after a dream and I’m proud of myself for walking away from it when I knew it wasn’t right anymore. I’m the most proud though, of where I am with who I am and the awareness I’ve cultivated in choosing to see what I used to resist.

Alex + the Power of Affirmations

Did you ever make a life altering decision and act on it (without a second thought), only to realize later “HOLY CRAP, DID I REALLY JUST DO THAT?”

I did.

On June 1st, 2017, a month after graduating college with a BFA in Musical Theater and no money to my name, I packed a U-Haul with one of my best friends and moved to New York City to pursue my goal of being on Broadway.

Did I cry on the 14 hour drive from Chicago to New York City?

Maybe a little.

Did I feel overjoyed about this new step in life?

Absolutely.

Was I scared out of my mind?

You bet I was. 

But I was ready to face the challenge—or so I thought.

Life in New York was so much different than I could have ever envisioned. Tv shows like “Friends” and “Sex and the City” may look glamorous, but they don’t show the dirty and soul sucking parts of the city; the endless hours on the MTA, packed streets, and homeless men and women on every corner.

I moved into a room that really should have been classified as a glorified closet. It had enough room for my twin bed and bookshelf with a tiny sliver of room to walk from the door to my bed. It was rough. I never felt at home in my new space, which left me feeling constantly drained. Also being an actor in the city was not as magical as I had hoped. I woke up at 5 am to go to auditions only to be told once I got there that they were not seeing non-union actors- AKA Me. This happened more often than not and I felt like everything I had been training for in college was suddenly non-existent.

All of this and more led to one of the most depressive episodes of my life. This city full of lights, people, and possibilities all of a sudden felt oppressive and soul sucking.

Since I was 9 years old I have dealt with severe anxiety- the kind of anxiety where I wouldn’t be able to breathe or think straight if a panic attack ensued. I was always waiting for the next attack to happen. It was a horrible way to live. My first few months in New York I had at least one panic attack every day and a fit of tears on the phone with my mom back in Tennessee.

Then I discovered a book.

This simple yellow cover called to me on the train one day. A woman was reading it on the packed A-train and nodding emphatically to something she was reading. I took a peek at the cover and discovered the title “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by author Jen Sincero. The woman looked so moved by this simple block of paper that I knew I wanted to read it. That day I ran to the Amazon book store and with the money I had allocated for pizza that night (my dinner almost every day for a while) I bought that little yellow book and immediately started reading it on the train ride home.

And from then on my life changed. 

I kid you not when I say that this book drastically changed how I perceive the world around me. I read about a woman much like me who had a goal and felt as though she kept failing to achieve it. But then she realized that the universe was full of possibilities and only SHE could be the one to take control.

From then on I drastically changed my life. Sure I still had a lot of trials: I was evicted from my apartment, was working 3 jobs, and still barely made my bills: but I no longer let the world dictate how I should be feeling. I took charge of my life and decided to say “COME AT ME UNIVERSE! GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT!”

And something magical happened.

The universe finally began to give back.

I found a new apartment, was cast in 3 consecutive shows, received my equity card (joined the actors union), and began going to therapy. This little yellow book gave me the courage to start over and not be afraid of what lies ahead. I made daily affirmations to repeat in the mirror to remind myself what I was fighting for.

Of course the dark cloud of anxiety was still there.

Some days I woke up and wanted to do nothing more than lay in bed watching tv all day and ignore the outside world; but with therapy, support from my friends and family, working out, and this little yellow book, I finally had the tools to grab life by the reigns and take charge again. 

And once again, when the universe began to fight against my happiness, something magical occurred. I posted about my little yellow book and my post it note aspirations and the author of the book, Jen Sincero took note. She reposted a picture I had taken in front of the mirror holding her book surrounded by my post it’s on her Instagram as her “Badass of the Week”. Suddenly, I had hundreds of people reaching out to me, sharing my story, reading my blog, and telling me their own stories.

It was a beautiful way to be reminded that you are never alone in your struggle.

People all over are going through similar trials, and if you put yourself out there someone will latch on. Someone will come through to show you that you aren’t alone in this insane world.

My story began with a little yellow book and a whole lot of drive.

So, what will your catalyst be?