Books

4 Books That Have Helped Me Find Healing

Hi Everyone!

Ok so- I’ve gone back and forth with whether or not to launch Thrive by Cayla, and after sitting with it for awhile it’s something I’m going to try. I do feel like a lot of people are suffering in silence and I have definitely been there so I’m going to speak to anyone who will listen

To start things off, I wanted to share a list of books that have helped me in general on my journey towards healing.

1) You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero- I wasn’t sure about this initially, I made a quick judgement call, but upon reading the book I found it insightful, relatable, funny and motivating. It feels like you’re sitting down and having a coffee with a friend. Amongst the valuable advice in this book it reiterated for me that I am in charge of my life, and also not to be too hard on myself. I had been self loathing for a long time when I read this, and this helped shift perspective for me.

2) Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga by David Emerson- I was at the lowest point in my life when I read this book. I took it out from the library and read it cover to cover, then vowed I would one day work with Dave in some capacity (I ended up training with him several years later). I had recently fallen through the cracks in the medical system and felt like there was no hope until one evening I remembered that I was a yoga teacher- there had to be some way I could navigate my own trauma via using movement as an adjunct. I figured I had to learn how to help myself using what I knew, while waiting for greater assistance, in whatever way that came. Also as a note here, Dave really does walk the walk, he lives the words he writes and I can’t say enough good things about the Centre for Trauma and Embodiment and the work they do there.

3) The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk- This is like a trauma tell-all- no stone is left unturned. This has been, to date, the most affirming book I have read on trauma- the scientific explanations of what happen in the body physiologically validate me and continue to remind me of how trauma effects people in ways that aren’t visible- like your ability to form relationships, self esteem, etc.

4) Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur- While this isn’t a trauma book per se, at the time it was released there was really no mainstream poetry that spoke in a way that was raw and real (and borderline shocking at points). I have never been someone who likes journalling but always knew that I had words I needed to get out of my body- so this book re-inspired me to pick up my pen and continue creative writing. Her honesty also reminded me that even when I feel alone, I am not alone- everyone is working through something. Her bravery in sharing her words also reminded me of my own bravery.

That is it for now- but I will continue sharing books as I continue reading

Would love to hear from you and until then, sending you lots of love!!!

xx Cayla

@ThrivebyCayla

@MoveToHealProject

Thrive

*THRIVE Was Created to Help You*

If you’re clicking on this post, it likely means you’ve come on over from my IG account, @ThriveByCayla. Welcome- so happy to have you here. As promised, here is a brief intro as to why I’m here.

**TW****

I am a trauma survivor- in fact, trauma was all I knew for a long time- it was my baseline. There was no "normal;" there was just trauma.

It is very hard to unravel trauma, especially abuse, and especially when it is relational. I was sexually abused by someone in my family across 14 years and during that time frame also experienced severe emotional and at times, physical abuse. Nothing felt safe.

Dissociation and numbing were my coping mechanisms, and I became reckless. I literally did not stop moving and operated at full speed for the better part of one decade.

I self sabotaged close friendships and all relationships. I over-worked, constantly chasing perfectionism. I binge drank. On one work contract, I drank every night for 6 months, justifying it as ‘social drinking’.

I put myself in danger while I was drinking all the time. One time a stranger found me barefoot, walking on a mixture of gravel and glass at 1am on the far side of town, away from traffic, away from streetlights.

"What the f*ck are you doing out here alone?" he said to me. I didn't know, and I actually did not care.

Things escalated, and in 2013 I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. Since then I committed to my healing and have now come out the other side.

I know devastation and terror well because I have looked them in the eyes. I know what emptiness feels like- what it means to have no will left to live anymore.

I know loss, and sadness and pain- this was the company I kept most nights for a long, long time.

I don't know what brought you here but please know this- you can keep going and you can move forward. Trust in the resilience of your spirit.

At the moment my next 1:1 THRIVE program intake is in July, 2021. Please reach out or share if you’d like more info!

If I can do it you can too. I'm really looking forward to exploring this journey together.

If we haven’t met already, I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out.

LOVE YOU.

How to Release Emotions Stuck in the Body

*Please note the first part of this article was written by Joanna Ciolek and was taken directly from acesconnection.com. This is not the intellectual property of The Move to Heal Project.

We are emotional creatures, and we were born to express emotions freely and openly. Somewhere along the way, however, many of us learned to repress emotions, especially those deemed “negative,” in order to fit in, earn love, and be accepted. This was my experience.

I grew up in a home where the motto was “Children are to be seen, not heard.” There was little emotional expression allowed, let alone accepted. No one was there to validate or help us process emotions in a healthy way. Anger was met with anger, fear went unacknowledged, and there was plenty of shame to go around.

My parents didn’t model how to deal with difficult emotions, as they struggled with that themselves. When those emotions showed up, I often felt overwhelmed and inadequate, ashamed of my failure to be a “good girl.”

I learned to bury my pain deep inside, feeling invisible, ashamed, angry, alone, and unable to ask for what I needed. Trying to hide the pain—from others and myself—I built walls, put on masks, and soldiered on. For better or worse.

My pain was buried so deep, I didn’t realize it was there until I had my own children. Motherhood opened up old wounds, the house of cards fell apart, and I began to unravel.

In my thirties, faced with growing angst and creeping depression—and motivated to be the best parent I could be to my children—I began to deal with repressed memories and old emotional residue that has left me suffering from C-PTSD, chronic back pain, sciatica, headaches, and anxiety.

As a child, I hid from the emotional pain by delving into the world of books, music, and academics. As an adult, I realized I was strong enough to face it. I wasn’t a little child anymore; I didn’t have to hide. Now I was more mature and had resources I needed to finally face the pain that used to overwhelm my young brain—and begin to heal it.

The truth is, we all hide our emotions occasionally. We pretend, avoid, and deny uncomfortable emotions in an effort of self-preservation, as a defense mechanism.

We do this most often with difficult emotions like shame, fear, or anger. When we experience events that emotionally overwhelm us and we’re unable to process what is happening, accept our emotions, and express them through our body and mind, we hide them deep inside us where others can’t see them. And we end up hiding them from ourselves too. Yet, they’re still there.

The unresolved emotions get trapped in our body where they build and fester, draining our energy, leading to burnout, emotional imbalance, and eventually disease. When we chronically repress emotions, we create toxicity in our body, mind, and heart.

This unprocessed emotional energy is stored in our organs, muscles, and tissues. It leads to inflammation and chronic health problems, and it undermines our overall well-being.

So what do we do then? How do we process emotional energy stuck in the body?

(If you’d like to read the rest of Joannas article, it can be found here:

https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/how-to-release-emotions-stuck-in-your-body)

**********************

(These thoughts below are the thoughts and reflections from the Move to Heal Community Founder).

*Allow yourself to release the feeling in the body:

For example- think about back to when you were in Kindergarten and the teacher told you to sit still. We were told from a young age to restrain ourselves from movement, yet it is actually a completely normal response for the body to reflect what the mind is thinking. Think about the last time you were overjoyed, surprised, or excited. What was happening in your body? What about a time you felt scared or nervous? Emotions can get stuck in the body if we push them down, avoid them and don’t give them a way out.

The next time you are feeling angry, what does it feel like to (safely) physically release it? High intensity activities can sometimes be a useful gateway ie Sprinting, Tabata, Plyometrics, HIIT

*Allow yourself to release the feeling from the mind:

For example, if you all of a sudden feel sadness or fear and would normally otherwise push these feelings aside, try going to a safe space instead (ie a stairwell, single washroom, a [well lit, safe] alleyway if you’re at work, or a nook in your own. home) and release it. Journal, paint, scream, cry. Fun tidbit: Emotional tears (tears that happen during a good cry) contain additional proteins and hormones that may have relaxing or pain relieving effects that help regulate the body and return it to its natural state (info via healthline).

*Learn how to Self Care- Chances are, if you have been avoiding emotion or pushing it aside, your reflex to self care may need some attention. When intense emotions arise, what are you choosing to say to yourself in those moments? What about after? Are those thoughts rooted in compassion or in self loathing? [Also- the blog portion of our site was created specifically to let others know that those big emotions you are feeling- others have felt them too. It’s a reminder that you can make it through this feeling, this day, this week. You are not alone!] Start by keeping a basic self-care list somewhere you can see it. If you aren’t sure what you need to soothe or calm yourself, or to take care of yourself, try experimenting and noticing; how do you feel after a bath? How do you feel if you light some candles? What about underneath some cozy blankets?

Addressing and releasing emotions is going to look different for everyone. Note- that if you feel extremely overwhelmed or alone, we urge you to remember that the support of a licensed professional is always available! You were not meant to do hard things alone and in some cases, with some people, additional support is key.

If you have a way of releasing emotions via fitness or a helping writing exercise, we would love to hear from you. Come say hi on IG @MoveToHealProject

Trauma and How it Impacts Self Perception

Trauma and How it Impacts Self Perception

by Tish Granville and Nell Dardie 

@TWINPOWERMENT

How we feel about ourselves is often derived from life experiences we’ve had, words spoken to/over us, what we learn from the media, or secondary effects of mental illness. We aren’t born with inherent dislike for ourselves. We aren’t born willing and ready to harm ourselves.

We do this in response to a belief that we developed about ourselves after some type of negative experience. 

Being trauma enthusiasts and experts, we believe specifically that traumatic experiences of all sorts are culprits for how people learn to see themselves. Trauma trips up the mind!

It creates false realities.

It distorts the truth.

Trauma causes people to question their self perceptions. 

Trauma survivors often battle self esteem issues and negative self belief. They may see their bodies differently, they may feel inferior or inadequate, they may be self critical or judgmental, or outright have self hatred! 

These skewed perceptions of self are usually worse for individuals who experience traumas such as sexual, physical, emotional, or domestic abuse, surgeries or major body illnesses, or accidents. However, any kind of trauma can change how one views himself. 

Why is this? — you may ask!

Trauma causes physiological changes within the brain that damage some emotional connectivity or distorts cognitive abilities.

Trauma isn’t rational therefore the subsequent thoughts, actions, and beliefs are not rational.

If a victim of sexual trauma once saw themselves as confident, they may later view themselves or their body as a problem. If a victim of a car accident once saw themselves as fearless, they may later view themselves as anxious. 

These are just a few examples of how trauma can affect self perception! But there are some simple and practical ways to battle this trauma response: 

*Increasing self care

*Separating the trauma from the person’s character

*Getting support from others

*Seeking counselling

*Increasing positive activities

are just a few ways a person can combat trauma’s effect on their self view! 

If you or someone you love has experienced any type of traumatic experience, just know that your experience does not define you! You were amazing before your trauma and you are amazing during and after it! 

Nell Dardie and Tish Granville are both Licensed Professional Clinical Counsellors in the state of Ohio where they practice. They specialize in the treatment of most clinical disorders mainly focusing on trauma and inner child wounds. To learn more about them and their practices follow them on IG at Twinpowerment

Mental Health Resources- A Monthly Compilation!

Hi All!

As this global pandemic continues on, I wanted to compile a short list of items that may be useful for you during this time. I’m noticing that things that used to feel ‘easy’ can, on some days feel quite challenging, and there are also large pockets of time where I feel completely emotionally overwhelmed but I’m not sure why.

If this is how you feel too- let me remind you, that you are not alone!

My therapist recently said to me that ‘We are all weathering the same storm, but we are in different boats’- and this imagery really resonated with me. Just because we are all experiencing the same pandemic does not mean that we are all properly equipped to do so. I’ve noticed a comparison game that I keep falling back to; “Why do they look like they have it all together?” “Why don’t they appear to be bothered by this?” and it’s a gateway to self loathing that I can take relatively quickly.

These next few resources offer ways to accessibly move the body and address panic, and also offer out space to thoughtfully reflect in ways that could be useful.

If you need any support or have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out via the CONTACT section of the blog.

(Scroll for complete list)

#1- Yoga for When It’s Hard to Get Out of Bed

#2- A Quick Breath Exercise for Panic + Overwhelm

#3- The Move to Heal Book- How to Reclaim Your Life in the Midst of Pain + Trauma: A Movement Memoir

This book is a memoir told through poems. It also offers out suggestions for the reader to explore yoga forms in a way that could be useful in regards to their own healing journey and processing of past trauma and pain. It’s exploratory and liberating!

https://books.apple.com/ca/book/move-to-heal/id1495268216

#4- Mental Health Writing Prompts- For when you know you are feeling something but it’s hard for you to name or describe it

https://www.movetohealproject.com/blog/2020/5/15/free-write-friday-may-15

Much love!

Cayla

Free Write Friday- May 15

Whats’s up Move to Heal Squad!!

Happy Free Write Friday!

*Via Founder @CaylaMeredith

I have always found an incredible amount of release in writing- not just any writing though; creative writing.

For example- I never wanted to write my true thoughts and feelings down in a journal; it gave me anxiety to see what I was feeling written out on a page. But if I took those emotions and feelings and put them into a character with a storyline- this landed differently for me. I was creating a relationship between me and the characters, and the story of it all, and this felt more tangible to me because it allowed me to string things together in a way that made sense.

Today, I’d love to join you in a creative writing exercise.

Option to pick from one of these (mental health) prompts:

Then- set your timer and just write WHATEVER comes to mind for the next 10 minutes. Try and keep your pen moving (or if you’re typing, try and keep typing). This means if your mind blanks, for example, you could keep writing “my mind is blank right now, now, now, I’m not sure what to write"- and then keep it going until inspiration comes or re-visit the prompt.

*Prompt 1- (Safe Spaces) You’re exploring a secluded beach, and you stumble across a hidden cove right next to the sea. Something about this cove feels very safe and familiar. What’s in this cove that makes it feel safe? What colour is it? Are there separate rooms in the cove? Is there food in there? What do you think the current inhabitant of this cove looks like?

*Prompt 2- (Connecting thought to emotion) You’re digging through the sand at your favourite local beach- a small beach nestled away behind the place where you stay every Summer. As you’re digging, you find an item of yours that you lost a long time ago. What is it? How does finding it again make you feel? What memories is it attached to? If you could keep this item with you moving forward, how could you live your life in a different way? Would it change your relationships?

I’d love to see what you create. Send me a message @MoveToHealProject @CaylaMeredith or tag us on Instagram!

Astrology + a New World Shift

The REAL AGE of Aquarius!

By Corina Crysler

@corinacrysler

@themoonshineco

As I sit in isolation with my dog and watch the spread of a virus penetrate us on a global level, I am reminded of how we are so closely connected. Regardless of distance, race, gender, or social demographics, we are all in this together.

As a transformational astrologer I look for opportunities of change, not necessarily the prediction of our future. Yes- it is nice to know when you will make money or meet the love of your life, but my Scorpio/ Uranian moon seeks information for true change and growth. 

What is needed for transformation to occur? For the most part, it’s awareness.

Tapping into the interconnection of Pluto and Saturn over the last year has been my focus. Not only for my clients on a personal level but what this could mean on a global level.

Currently, this is what Pluto represents:

Pluto- The Transformer

Pluto rules Scorpio. Many astrologers look to Pluto as the planet that brings up “dirty” and “dark” things (due to the nature of the Scorpio energy).

I look at this completely differently. 

Darkness is not devoid of light, rather a concentration of source energy. It holds all the information that you are seeking and can ignite the transformation process with the right container. 

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Kidneys hold this energy which processes fear and holds the universe inside of us.  That “inner knowing” you feel comes from this place- but most of the time we are too afraid to go there as it holds uncertainty, shadows and the truth.

Pluto asks us to look at our fears to open our hearts. It provokes creation energy but also the energy of destruction. But really, we need both to transform. 

In order to begin something new, something must die. The reason we think it brings up negative and “dark and dirty” things is because they must come to the surface in order for change to happen. It’s a part of the process. Pluto (the Transformer) has the power to do this.  (We can actually see its work in the emergence of some very serious crimes in humanity from the last 2-3 years).

So- what is happening right now?

Pluto, the ultimate transformer, has been in alignment with Saturn. 

What does that mean?

Saturn is the planet of structure, rules, and how things operate; it’s the infrastructure on which our lives sit.

For example: Think of our government. It has sat in Capricorn (Saturn’s ruler) which has given Saturn some extra power. 

The downside to this?

Saturn can typically put up walls or barriers to “keep us safe”- but as a result this can also keep us small. 

These walls and barriers are embedded in our subconscious and have serious implications as to how we live and make decisions. This is essentially what is happening right now for our planet.

(My work typically focuses on how to break down these old walls that don’t work anymore). 

So what can we do?

It’s time to assess how our infrastructure has been operating for decades and look at what can be changed.

For example, Patriarchy has created segregation and misguided use of power. 

Processes are corrupt. 

We are killing our planet.

The way we coexist is disconnected.

Our priorities start with our smartphone. 

It all needs to change.

Amidst a global crisis we are forced to look at these things. 

Everyone is being affected by this one way or another. 

Pluto is creating this transformation and deeply addressing the wound that is among the collective.  It’s like dropping a bomb on the crappy house we have built in order for us to rebuild a stronger one- and with more wisdom of how to build a house.  

 Saturn in Aquarius.

 Saturn rules structure and has a lot of karma attached to it; but I also view it as the "bridge" that brings the outer and inner planets together. 

The outer planets move slowly and are harder to bring into your reality, but they hold the key to unlocking many subconscious patterns. 

Pluto is the transformer and works closely with “Chiron”, your wound. 

What does this mean?

 Use this time to shift your perspective on the foundation you have created for yourself.

For the last 2.5 years, Saturn has been in it’s beloved Capricorn, which rules structure, rules, authority, and ambition. On Sunday it will move into Aquarius. 

The energies could not be more different. 

Aquarius is about the collective. It is about the visionaries and predicts what we need to do for our future; it is inventive and super intelligent. It has zero patience for rules that don’t make any sense and will not tolerate suffering. 

It is the energy and awareness of how we need to rebuild.

The opportunity is to build a new structure with the collective in mind:

Equality. Kindness. Intelligent advancement for our planet.

On a personal level ask yourself: What walls (Saturn) have you put up to keep yourself safe? 

 Ask Pluto to show you the path of transformation that will move you into your personal power. 

 Where is the wound and what is needed for healing now, personally and globally?

Jupiter in the mix

The blessing in all of this is that Jupiter is right behind Pluto and Saturn, bringing us wisdom, abundance and expansion; But we must do the work. 

In all the fear, I invite you to use the energy to let go of old patterns to allow new ones to form. 

 If you lead with authenticity and from your heart space, the shift can create massive changes for the greater good of yourself and also for the collective. 

We need to think bigger and beyond ourselves. 

 The way to work with the collective consciousness is to start with you. 

 I invite you to consider every thought, word, action and intention as part of a collective energy that we are all tapped into.

If we start with changing our own mindset and actions, it will have an effect globally. 

When someone says to me, I am just one person, what can I really do?

My response is, David Bowie was one person and look what he did.

 Retrograde

Pluto, Saturn and Jupiter are so closely working together that they will be going into retrograde around the same time as well. All planets are influenced differently by retrogrades, but they will begin with Pluto at the end of April and not go direct again until mid-September. 

Retrogrades ask us to go back to things with current information to move forward. This may be a time to tie up loose ends and revisit old patterns that keep our walls up that are ruled by fear. 

Therefore, this is really when we do the work.

What does this all mean?

It means it’s time for us to really do better. 

We are being given the opportunity to change. 

We need to change for ourselves, change for the planet and change how we treat each other. 

Opportunities for change:

Instead of swiping left or right, try saying hi to someone instead

Put the phone down when you share a meal with someone

Ask about where your food and products come from 

Look closely at how you treat the animals on your plate that you then consume as an energy source

Re-evaluate what you think you are entitled to rather than working for it

Change your attitude around common kindness (no one should be sitting behind a computer screen bashing others)

As a Canadian, I feel extremely fortunate.

We live in a beautiful country full of resources we often typically take for granted. We have space, trees, mountains and tons of land we could be growing our own food on. 

Perhaps we can reframe our outlook on our “essentials” and discover what really makes us happy and come together in community.

As someone who works closely with people’s pain and helps them turn their pain into purpose,

I can assure you that what we currently think is important, really isn’t.

Most people want to be seen and validated for who they are.

They want love.

This is essentially the essence of being in the Age of Aquarius: Living in authenticity and purpose.

My prediction is the more we do this, the faster we get out of this.

Fuck the fear and find the alignment your soul is craving.

It’s time for my beautiful Aquarians to stand up (both sun and rising). 

It’s time for all the lightworkers and healers to come together to heal this collective wound we have created.

The cosmos is transpiring for change.

With courage + moving out of ego and into the collective consciousness we can create a stronger structure for humankind to sit on. It all starts with your attitude, behaviour and the inspired action you put around it.

Create the intention today of what is important to you in moving forward. This is the opportunity.

Intention + inspired action = manifestation

A Chat with Author Rebecca Ray: "It's Not About Just Feeling Good"

A Chat With the Author:

Rebecca Ray, Author of ‘Be Happy: 35 Habits for Personal Growth and Well-Being’.

It’s Not About Just Feeling Good

My first book has a title that I wouldn’t have chosen personally. It’s called Be Happy: 35 Powerful Habits for Personal Growth and Well-Being. It’s those two little words, ‘Be Happy’, that don’t sit well with me (authors don’t always have a say in what publishers consider will help books jump off the shelves and into the hands of readers!)

You see, if happiness is your goal, then the most valuable experiences you can have – the ones that challenge you to grow, the ones that break you and shape you by their significance – will be lost to your efforts to feel good all the time.

I didn’t write this book to help you feel good all the time, and I know that you probably don’t expect to – but I bet you’d like to! Me too, but unfortunately, suffering is an unavoidable part of our human experience. Still, we often assume others feel a whole lot better than we do or have some kind of happiness secret that we don’t have access to.

I wrote this book to help you live fully, richly, and meaningfully. I wrote it to help show you that you are normal for feeling all the feelings! And I wrote it to show you my favourite practices for well-being that I use in my work as a psychologist (and as a human being trying to live well). In four sections, I show you that there are things we can choose, cultivate, practice, and make space for that help us to find more joy in life, heal from our hurts, and reach our potential. I wanted to wrap these up in a format that you could open at any page to take from it what you need when you need it.

But the caveat is that Be Happy is not a book of answers. It’s not a book that promises your life will be transformed by reading it. It’s a book that gets real about life and pain and how we can move through it, heal from it, and grow into the best version of ourselves that we want to be.

Making Space for Holding Pain Lightly

Here’s an excerpt from Be Happy on Making Space for Holding Pain Lightly: 

Beyond the instinct to simply survive, the strongest human instinct we possess is to avoid pain. But if we attempt to live a life without any pain at all, then we make no place for processing tough emotions, or for striving to achieve things, or for simply being resilient to the discomfort that occurs as part of the natural flow of existence. If you fight off emotional discomfort, you only end up feeding the pain and encouraging it to overwhelm you. Running from it, denying it, or trying to cover up or smother it is a recipe for prolonging and intensifying the pain.

What if there is another way? What if I told you that you could do pain differently? I’m sure your interest is piqued here, but I can guarantee that the answer probably isn’t what you expect,because it’s counterintuitive to our natural approach to things that hurt us. The bad news is I don’t have any secret method of exorcising your pain for you. The good news is that this technique is powerful and effective and is not a secret, even if it won’t turn your pain off.

The most effective thing you can do in the face of pain is to accept it. I do not mean you have to like your negative emotions, or want them, or enjoy them. Instead, I mean acknowledging and accepting the presence of pain as part of your experience, without judgment or struggle.

At first, it may seem impossible. I mean, who really wants to accept pain? Isn’t that just an invitation for the pain to have full control over you? Well, surprisingly not. Accepting pain is very different from wallowing in pain. While wallowing in pain is about resistance, helplessness, and a sense of being consumed by it, accepting pain is the opposite. It is about making a conscious choice to drop the struggle with the pain and sit with it in the moment, without letting it drive your choices. By accepting pain, we free up our energy to decide what to do next, even if that’s just in the next minute. Acceptance frees us from being bound to the pain. It allows us to move through the pain to process it and reach the other side.

Here’s to living and loving meaningfully and bravely andholding pain with accepting and courageous hands.

Rebecca Ray Bio:

Rebecca is an Author, Speaker, and Clinical Psychologist. Her message centres on the task of living bravely in the truth of our experiences as finders and seekers of inspiration and connection. Rebecca has been a Clinical Psychologist for 15 years, where she specialised in the treatment of Depression, Anxiety and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Rebecca’s first book, Be Happy: 35 Powerful Habits for Personal Growth and Well-Being, is available now. She can be found online interacting with her community daily about finding courage and living inspired, expansive lives.

Website:

https://rebeccaray.com.au/

Socials:

Instagram –     @drrebeccaray       

Facebook –     @drrebeccaray   

Twitter –     @drrebeccaray   

Pinterest -     @drrebeccaray

Alex + the Power of Affirmations

Did you ever make a life altering decision and act on it (without a second thought), only to realize later “HOLY CRAP, DID I REALLY JUST DO THAT?”

I did.

On June 1st, 2017, a month after graduating college with a BFA in Musical Theater and no money to my name, I packed a U-Haul with one of my best friends and moved to New York City to pursue my goal of being on Broadway.

Did I cry on the 14 hour drive from Chicago to New York City?

Maybe a little.

Did I feel overjoyed about this new step in life?

Absolutely.

Was I scared out of my mind?

You bet I was. 

But I was ready to face the challenge—or so I thought.

Life in New York was so much different than I could have ever envisioned. Tv shows like “Friends” and “Sex and the City” may look glamorous, but they don’t show the dirty and soul sucking parts of the city; the endless hours on the MTA, packed streets, and homeless men and women on every corner.

I moved into a room that really should have been classified as a glorified closet. It had enough room for my twin bed and bookshelf with a tiny sliver of room to walk from the door to my bed. It was rough. I never felt at home in my new space, which left me feeling constantly drained. Also being an actor in the city was not as magical as I had hoped. I woke up at 5 am to go to auditions only to be told once I got there that they were not seeing non-union actors- AKA Me. This happened more often than not and I felt like everything I had been training for in college was suddenly non-existent.

All of this and more led to one of the most depressive episodes of my life. This city full of lights, people, and possibilities all of a sudden felt oppressive and soul sucking.

Since I was 9 years old I have dealt with severe anxiety- the kind of anxiety where I wouldn’t be able to breathe or think straight if a panic attack ensued. I was always waiting for the next attack to happen. It was a horrible way to live. My first few months in New York I had at least one panic attack every day and a fit of tears on the phone with my mom back in Tennessee.

Then I discovered a book.

This simple yellow cover called to me on the train one day. A woman was reading it on the packed A-train and nodding emphatically to something she was reading. I took a peek at the cover and discovered the title “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” by author Jen Sincero. The woman looked so moved by this simple block of paper that I knew I wanted to read it. That day I ran to the Amazon book store and with the money I had allocated for pizza that night (my dinner almost every day for a while) I bought that little yellow book and immediately started reading it on the train ride home.

And from then on my life changed. 

I kid you not when I say that this book drastically changed how I perceive the world around me. I read about a woman much like me who had a goal and felt as though she kept failing to achieve it. But then she realized that the universe was full of possibilities and only SHE could be the one to take control.

From then on I drastically changed my life. Sure I still had a lot of trials: I was evicted from my apartment, was working 3 jobs, and still barely made my bills: but I no longer let the world dictate how I should be feeling. I took charge of my life and decided to say “COME AT ME UNIVERSE! GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT!”

And something magical happened.

The universe finally began to give back.

I found a new apartment, was cast in 3 consecutive shows, received my equity card (joined the actors union), and began going to therapy. This little yellow book gave me the courage to start over and not be afraid of what lies ahead. I made daily affirmations to repeat in the mirror to remind myself what I was fighting for.

Of course the dark cloud of anxiety was still there.

Some days I woke up and wanted to do nothing more than lay in bed watching tv all day and ignore the outside world; but with therapy, support from my friends and family, working out, and this little yellow book, I finally had the tools to grab life by the reigns and take charge again. 

And once again, when the universe began to fight against my happiness, something magical occurred. I posted about my little yellow book and my post it note aspirations and the author of the book, Jen Sincero took note. She reposted a picture I had taken in front of the mirror holding her book surrounded by my post it’s on her Instagram as her “Badass of the Week”. Suddenly, I had hundreds of people reaching out to me, sharing my story, reading my blog, and telling me their own stories.

It was a beautiful way to be reminded that you are never alone in your struggle.

People all over are going through similar trials, and if you put yourself out there someone will latch on. Someone will come through to show you that you aren’t alone in this insane world.

My story began with a little yellow book and a whole lot of drive.

So, what will your catalyst be?

How Your Living Space Affects your Mental Health

 Hey everyone - Kiki here! I am the Founder and CEO of Spaces Simplified - a Professional Organizing Service. I jumped at the opportunity to write a post as a guest blogger at my friend Cayla's request. I hope everyone can take something from this post, and do your very best to create and recognize happiness in your lives!

Today’s focus: “When people are happy in their homes, it spills out into the rest of their lives”

Like anything else there are so many factors that affect our happiness: Our relationships, our careers, our education, our experiences, our goals, our locations and the spaces around us. All of these things shape us, some more than others at different instances due to varied consistencies, but the one I’d like to focus on is the home.

When people are happy in their homes, it spills out into the rest of their lives.

Home can mean many different things to different people. For me home is a haven, it’s a place a seek solace in and feel safe in. It’s also a place where I dream and grind out some crazy hard work! You can see where I’m going with this - different spaces allow us to feel different things and accomplish specific goals. I hope that for everyone the ultimate goal is always happiness!

Here are 3 ways to keep your home a happy space to be:

1. The Hub

Everyone (hopefully) has a space like this in their homes. The place where everyone gets together to catch up and chill out. If you feel like your home is lacking one, don’t hesitate to create it. In my experience I’ve found that kitchens are one of the most popular spaces (probably because there are snacks there), or anywhere there’s a snuggly sectional. In regard to fostering happiness, it’s not so much about the physical space as it is what the space represents. It’s a space to connect - a place to reflect. This day in age there are so many moving parts and full schedules. Establish a hub, and allow yourself to spend time there connecting with the people you care about.

2. Eliminate Clutter & Chaos

Simple fact: If your surroundings are chaotic, your life will feel chaotic.

If you have one or multiple overwhelming areas in your home or work space don’t underestimate how much it will affect you. It can constantly weigh on your shoulders or you could avoid it completely, both of which will directly affect your happiness and even your mental health. It’s been proven (and is fairly obvious) that those who describe their spaces as “cluttered” or “disorganized” or full of “unfinished projects” are more likely to experience feelings of fatigue, overwhelm, hopelessness and higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol. All of these things can affect your mood, sleep, health, relationships and self-esteem.  Don’t underestimate the importance of surrounding yourself with enough organization and order to thrive!

3. Exterior Love

Curb appeal = First Impressions. As much as I love to focus on the interior of homes, there is something to be said for investing time and energy into the upkeep of the exterior of your home - a simple place to start: landscaping. Keep your greenspaces well kept and tidy. Depending on how green your thumb is, design your lawn and garden spaces to suit how much time you want to spend maintaining it. Add pops of colour with easy to maintain flowers and plants like sunflowers or sweet peas. Feel good about your home every time you come and go! Be proud that it’s yours and enjoy the happiness this brings you.

4. Maintain Your Own Independent Space

Having your own domain allows you to have a place to retire to and genuinely unwind. Make it your own, design it according to your style. Allow yourself the luxury of reveling in something that’s just yours!

The spaces we retreat to and from each day are without a doubt one of the biggest contributing factors to our mood, our energy and how we live our lives. My hope is that everyone can surround themselves with a space that energizes them for the day, and allows them the opportunity to unwind and seek solace in at the end of the day.

Remember your home and your spaces are what you make them.

Aim for happiness.

Xx M

How Hygge is Saving My Life

By Kirsten Rosenkrantz

I had my first panic attack almost a year-and-a-half ago, but I remember it so vividly: the rapid pounding of my heart, the hot and cold sweats, the light-headedness, the invisible weight on my chest.

I literally thought I was dying.

I didn’t figure out what was happening until the third one in the span of two weeks. Finally being able to label what was going on was equally comforting and overwhelming.

Now that I knew what it was I felt, I could find a solution, or at the very least a coping mechanism, but I knew that would be so much easier said than done.

I’d been in therapy fairly regularly for most of my adult life and had been deeply aware of my anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, so this new manifestation of my anxiety wasn’t exactly a surprise to me.

But what was next?

Traditional therapy obviously wasn’t working well enough for me and I knew that I had to make changes in order to find myself some type of calm; a sense of peace.

A few weeks later my aunt gave me a copy of The Little Book of Hygge as a Christmas gift. My dad grew up in Denmark, so I imagine she thought of this gift as a nice little gesture, perhaps a bit silly and trendy, but generally something I might enjoy.

I don’t think she realized how perfect her timing was in giving me this book.

When I got home I began flipping through its pages and realized I already knew most of what was in the book. It did not teach me much but it served as a vital reminder; I had the key to finding my peace inside my head all along. I had to find my hygge again.

Hygge is hard to define exactly because it’s not something you can purchase or a class you can attend, and it means something slightly different to each individual. Generally speaking, hygge is rooted in being present and pausing to feel a deep appreciation for the simple, cozy, warm moments spent with loved ones.

Growing up with a Danish dad, we lived hygge every day. My fondest childhood memories are both hot and cold, surrounded by a warm yellow glow or the frigid navy blue of a night sky. They smell of fire and crisp snow, they feel like knit socks and warm blankets.

Summers were spent camping in Algonquin Park learning about nature and how to build a fire. My dad taught me which plants I could eat, which bark would burn even while wet from the rain (it’s birch, FYI), how to make the perfect morning oatmeal and cup of instant coffee. Our time together in the wild showed me how profound simplicity could be; that being quiet without constant distraction or entertainment opened you up to imagination, creativity, and ultimately, freedom.

But the winters were by far my favourite. Sitting in front of the fire after hours of skiing while my dad read to me, curled up on a sheepskin with my knit booties on. My dad built a sauna in our basement when I was young, and we would spend hours running back and forth from the freezing snow into the hot sauna. Christmas smelled like clementines and cloves, pine needles and the crackling fireplace. My dad would drink mulled wine (or glogg as we called it), while we listened to Bruce Cockburn, as my parents each read, my brother and I likely ruining the quiet night.

The happiest memories of my life are these ones, the ones that sit precariously on the fence between hot and cold. And while everything changed (as it always does) and most of the magic that surrounded my childhood faded away, it was always something I craved deep down inside of me but had ultimately forgotten.

Now as an adult struggling with what I can only describe as a deep unrest within myself, my sense of hygge had to evolve. I had to learn to feel that profound sense of appreciation when I was alone. I had to redefine what hygge meant to me, what it felt like living alone in a big city, how I could find those small moments of presence and comfort and genuinely be thankful for myself and the life I had created.

Even as I sit here now writing this I have a candle lit on top of my bookshelf, the glow of a hundred Christmas lights casting warm shadows all over my walls. The old sheepskin from my childhood home cushions my back, a glass of wine on my desk, a pair of knit slippers keeping my feet warm, and a hot bath just minutes away.

It’s the return to simplicity that is bringing me back to life, calming the part inside of me that has manifested itself as panic over a dozen times this past year.

Some people joke that I’ve embraced my inner grandma (they’re not entirely wrong), but what it really is is the craving for comfort that I’ve allowed myself to satiate. It turns out that I really am my father’s daughter, and returning to the way of life that created me is proving to be the way back to calm; to peace.

Jumping into Your Fire

I don't know about you- but I spend a lot of time wondering if I am 'too much' for people.

It's not like I walk around broadcasting my story, but if you have met me and spent a little bit of time with me, you probably do know a bit of my personal history- and it's not easy to digest. In fact, there are only a tiny handful of people that actually know everything cover to cover- even though I stand confident in who I am and what I'm about, I do hold back on sharing because I don't want to overwhelm people with what has happened to me- And it is also quite vulnerable for me to share as well.

Here's the thing that I have come to accept. I will be too much for some people. My story will be too much for some people. And that is not about me- that is about them. People who cannot handle their own emotional vulnerability and pain are not going to be able to tolerate anyone else's. Period. 

Realizing this has freed me in so many ways. I have held back on digging deep in my own life because of this fear of being too much. But I have come to realize over and over again that it is not my job to manage other peoples emotions. It is my job to manage my own. That's it.

Recognizing this, in turn led me to a choice that I make on a daily basis, over and over again: 
Do I want to avoid the fire or do I want to jump in and face It? And by fire I mean Pain. Heartache. Challenge. Hurt. Loss. Grief. Obstacles. The Like.

I avoided for many years. But the thing about avoidance is that it breeds stagnancy. It's so comfy being stagnate, in a way. But that's the question you need to begin to ask yourself:

Do I want to live a stagnate life? Do I want to be comfortable?

I finally got to this place where I realized that I don't. I want to live in uncomfortability. I want to be pushed. I want to feel my hurt and feel it deep and learn how to claw my way through it because this is what builds strength. This is what builds character. This is how we grow. This is where we find our feet. Because the only way out is through. And let me tell you. It hurts like HELL. I was telling someone a few months ago that I live in as much hurt as I do joy. This is true. My life is fucking painful. But through facing my intense pain I have also found joy so deep- a joy I have never quite known before.

Because I continually face my deepest fears and challenges I have also grown quite fond of myself. I have learned how to become my biggest cheerleader. I have learned to lean in to self-love. I have also learned how to continually shift my perspective- the hurt is there but can I focus on the joy instead? How?

So I want to turn the tables around to you today:

Where are you holding back in your life?

What feelings or situations are you avoiding to stay comfortable?

Try taking a leap. Try jumping in. You are supported- Trust in who you are- if something painful happened to you, you have already survived the worst because You are still standing. You are still here. You got this- Keep Moving Forward. 

Jump into your fire today. Keep fighting your fight.

xx.

On Grief

I've been sitting staring at this computer screen for a good hour now. I have so many words floating around in my head but I'm not sure how to get them out-what to start with, or where to go from here.

I tell people that I started the Move to Heal Project because I wanted to write about real things. The stuff that no one wants to talk about, but that everyone is feeling. This is true. But there is a reason as to why no one talks about certain things- because its really hard. Today in fact, it is extra hard. Part of me doesn't want to share; another part of me feels compelled to. I feel compelled because if we don't start talking about the hard things, who will? It's important for me to say that if you are reading this, you never walk alone. 

So on that note, I want to tell you about my friend Katharine. I want to talk to you about Grief.

Katharine died 12 years ago today. Twelve years. It seems surreal to actually write that out. The way she died and the story around it is tragic, and contains details I still have difficulty wrapping my mind around. The aftermath of her death; the same. I swung into a deep atheism after she passed away, not understanding how something so tragic could happen to someone so young, and so beautiful. And by beautiful I mean pure. Amidst all the struggles that one naturally moves through when they are 19 and 20 years old, she was actually still a radiating beam of light. I don't think she had a mean bone in her body.

After she died, the only way I knew how to process it all was through writing. I was too shut off emotionally in my life in general to actually feel anything outwardly. In the piece I wrote one month after she died, I talked about how I didn't have any desire to wash my clothes, to brush my hair, or to buy new things. But I did write about how I began to feel an intense compulsion to strengthen my relationships; to find meaning in my every day activities.

Every year now I use April 3rd as a time to reflect on my life- and when I actually sit still to think about it so far I want to say that I still feel that way. When someone you love dies, everything you think matters, doesn't matter anymore. It all begins to shift. At least- that's the way it felt for me.

I think that in some cases, death can completely harden people or break them open. I would say with 100% certainty that part of the reason I am not hardened over is because of Katharine's Mom. Over the past 12 years I have seen that light that Katharine possessed shine so brightly through the actions of her Mother, which doesn't even really make sense. She lost her daughter. Yet she has taken her grief and her sadness and continually pours kindness and compassion into the lives of everyone around her. It's actually remarkable. I also think that this takes a tremendous amount of strength- in order to cultivate joy from pain I think you have to stare your pain deep in the eyes; you have to learn to sit with it. 

I think, with many things in life- but especially in the aftermath of grief- you are always left with a choice: Is this going to harden me or open me? Not to be confused with feeling your feelings. Like- death SUCKS. It's excruciating. I spent a good few years just being angry AF, throwing stuff, binge drinking, sabotaging friendships, acting out in relationships (for fear if I got too close I would lose them), you name it. Feel your feelings. Get it out. But this is why I say aftermath.

One of the most important things I have learned over the past two years is that, while we can't control what happens to us, we always have a choice as to how we are going to react to it.

 So every year on April 3rd, I think about this. I loved Katharine's kindness, her spirit, her heart. And what a gift she has given me because I now choose to fill my life with people who are light-hearted, and caring, and compassionate. 

I am inspired by the strength of her Mother- who, over the past 12 years has, many times completely out of the blue sent me something in the mail, or dropped a present off on my doorstep, or sent me the sweetest message. She has reminded me that this is how I want to live my life. I want my life to be meaningful. I want to cultivate meaningful relationships. I want to sit with the hollowness of my pain and use that space to cultivate joy- and I want to pour that joy into the lives of everyone around me. I want to create community. I want to be a voice for change.

A few years ago, Katharine's Mom sent me a blown glass ornament. In order to make a blown glass ornament you have to take a bunch of glass and smash it all into tiny pieces. Then you take all the pieces and hold them in the fire. She told me that this is how our lives can feel sometimes- something excruciating happens- and we are left in a million pieces. And then you think the worse is over, but it's not- because things heat up and you're thrown in the fire. But the thing is- when the glass is in the fire- this is where the magic happens. This is where all the random pieces that didn't make sense before begin to meld together- this is where the shift happens. A beautiful blown glass ornament is proof that all those tiny shards of glass- all those painful situations and experiences in our lives- can actually bind together to make something extraordinary.

By no means am I one of those people that say things happen for a reason. I actually don't believe that. But I do think that it is natural for humanity to search for meaning in the things that break us open. And I think that if you can find that meaning, and hold on to it, and learn to find beauty in it, it can catapult you into a new way of seeing your world; a new way of living your life.

So today, while I am sitting with my own pain, I want to turn the table around and ask you all the things I am asking myself. 

What are you allowing to harden you? What are you allowing to open you?

Who are you surrounding yourself with? How do they add value to your life?

What about your pain? Are you learning how to sit with it? The pain will hollow you, but it will not end you. The deeper your pain, the greater your capacity to love bigger, harder, stronger. This sound so cliché but it's not- I'm telling you with every fibre of my being THIS IS TRUE.

Where is your focus? Do you want to live meaningfully? If so- How?

I want to thank you so much for reading what has been on my heart, for allowing me to share my story freely. If you too are moving through grief, or remembering the anniversary of something that is painful I want you to know that you are supported and loved and strong.

xo C.

Post-Panic Attack

A lot of my posts are filled with positivity, light and love because that is how I choose to live my life. I'll never apologize for that.

However, amidst positivity, light and love I also believe in experiencing the full range of human emotion. I believe in being angry, in throwing crap when you want to, in putting boxing gloves on and going hard as a motherfucker, in crying, in raging, in saying shit and fuck, and in having complete and utter breakdowns. I want my life to be beautiful, open, and honest and allowing myself to feel my feelings and let it out is part of it.

I've also been reflecting on how important it is to continuously find your voice and use it; to be honest with yourself and the people around you. To surround yourself with people that bring out your best qualities. To lean in to those supports and stand in what you believe. To find those parts of yourself that need nourishment, and to love them hard.

So I'm using my voice today to shine a light on something that I'm sure a lot of people struggle with, but never talk about: 

Three hours ago I had an enormous panic attack

I have panic attacks resulting from something called Complex PTSD. If you don't know what it is, Google it

If you do know what it is, Thank you for educating yourself

If you have it- you're a complete badass, lets talk.

I've worked hard enough on myself to the point that I don't meet all the symptoms for CPTSD anymore- but I do (often) still have panic attacks. Quick background on the panic attacks I have- they are completely debilitating. I have them because I experienced violating, horrific, coercive things at the hands of multiple people I trusted, in private and public places I thought were safe across a span of 20 years.

You wanna know what happens when that happens?

Emotional and Physical Fuckery.

When trauma happens across a span that wide, as means of survival the person will sometimes naturally learn to disassociate- this is what happened with me. This isn't necessarily a bad thing- Disassociation can be immensely adaptive for a period of time because it allows that person to endure the unthinkable and unimaginable (which I did).
But-it can also pave the way for panic attacks (and a lot of other wondrous things) later on in life.
The nature of trauma and its effect on the body is so intricately layered that I won't begin to get into it right now, but- for a quick example:

Under extreme stress/trauma the hippocampus in the brain can fail to process what is happening as an integrative whole.
As a result, the sensory elements of this experience are left unintegrated and are therefore prone to return during flashbacks when some sensory elements of the trauma are activated.

So- for example- just say someone sexually assaulted you over and over again for twenty years in a damp parking garage that smelled like gasoline.
Ten years later if you walk through a parking garage or smell gasoline that could send your body into a panic attack even when you're safe and nothing is happening because those sensory elements are re-activated

Are you still with me?

Anyways. If you have panic attacks, you know what I'm talking about.
If you don't- Be thankful because no amount of swear words stacked together will even begin to cover how much they suck.

So in the aftermath of this panic attack, I want to say that I am pissed off.
I'm pissed off because today- right now- it feels like I am so different than everyone else.

Scratch that- I actually feel different than everyone else all the time. True story.

I feel like I'm living in a bubble, and even though I can see people and interact with them I can never truly connect with them or let them in. It's a very painful, heartbreaking feeling that is hard to put into words. And let me say that this is a feeling I have- its not necessarily my reality. It just feels this way sometimes. But this is a thought my brain goes back to often. Knowing the stats on trauma survivors, I know that I am not alone in feeling this way.

However, at the same time I am determined to not live my life in this bubble. How can I view things differently? How can I push back. How can I keep fighting? I get knocked down every day and I always choose to get back up and I'll never stop doing it because I'm stubborn. 

So in lieu of this I want to say to you: Instead of continuing to wish that you weren't different- trauma or not (because we all have our shit)-what if you embraced it?

You are who you are and the difficult experiences you have gone through have given you a lot of pain.

But I truly think that surviving that pain and learning how to rise above it is what turns people into extraordinary humans.

The things I have gone through have been excruciating- but living through them and learning how to speak to them and navigate them has been life changing and empowering on a cellular level.
For example, I don't live my life on the surface anymore. My painful experiences have given me an immense amount of depth.
My scope of empathy and understanding is so much larger than the average persons.
Because I have seen and felt immense pain I also now have the space to experience an otherworldly type of Joy (which I actually have). What I have endured has given me an inner fight that can't be taught or learned- which I am so, so thankful for.

The list goes on. And on the hard days I have to write this list out to remind myself.

This is how I choose to embrace my different.

I want to encourage you to do the same.

Let me tell you that I whole-heartedly believe that your Pain is your Power. What we survive, shapes us.

Step into that. 

Step into it and keep moving forward.

How to Combat Negative Thoughts: U-Turns

How many of you have had days where you are overwhelmed by your own negative thoughts?

Sometimes I have my moments. Sometimes the moments last hours. Sometimes the hours turn into one day, or two, or many. When I was younger I used to think that these days would just 'diminish' as I moved into adulthood. What I'm realizing now is- maybe these days and thoughts don't diminish (necessarily); we just get better at navigating our way through them; at working it all out.

As I'm typing this I am reminded of something very honest my friends mother shared with me. After her daughter- my friend- passed away, she described how, when she was shopping, she would naturally go to the girls section to buy clothes for her. Or, she would reach out for her favourite kind of cookie, or find herself going towards the phone so she could call her. She told me how she now lives her life U-Turning. She is still out of habit moving in that direction and going to do those things but now has to U-Turn back.

I find this story so heartbreaking on so many levels (partly because I adored my friend and I love her Mom so much) but I also find it quite profound when applied to something like negative thought patterns.

I grew up as my own worst enemy. I had no idea what self-care looked like, never mind self-love. I had never given thought to activities or things that made me truly happy. And most important, I had absolutely no idea how to speak kindly to myself. In trauma therapy I came to learn that the large, overpowering voice in my head that was mean, terrible and rude was not my own. It was a combination of voices that I grew up around all rolled into one- and I heard that voice (those voices) so often I believed it was my own. (Has this happened with you?)

When I tell people now about completing trauma therapy and the biggest changes I have made in my life, I often talk about how my days are FILLED with U-Turns. Filled with them. My mind still defaults to "I'm not good enough", "I'm useless", "I'm not strong enough", etc. but the difference is now when those thoughts occur, I catch myself after and I U-Turn it in a different direction.

Something I've been doing recently is writing down the opposite of what the negative thought is, putting it on a piece of paper and then carrying the paper around with me all day. For example- if the negative thought for the morning is "I am useless", then I write down "I am worthy, capable, and powerful". Then I read it over and over and over and over and over and over. Sometimes I get pissed off and throw my pen at the wall. Sometimes the negative thought wins in that moment. But I'm trying. And the more I do it, the louder my internal, true voice gets. WHICH I LOVE!

I was reading the book 'You are a Badass' (JEN SINCERO I LOVE YOU) and she also talks about how we mentally beat the shit out of ourselves every day. So we should write down a ton of positive affirmations and read them out loud even if we feel like they aren't true. Because you know what? The other negative stuff we are telling ourselves isn't true either. So if we are gonna tell ourselves something it may as well be Positive.

Anyways- point being. I want to encourage you today to pay attention to your internal dialogue. Can you catch yourself? Can you send your thoughts in a different direction? Can you show yourself some love and kindness? How can you U-Turn today?

Let me know how it works out for you. Lots of Love xo

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings, Tacos, Feelings

This F word does not top my list of favourites. Namely because, after all this time, feelings still feel foreign to me (this is a lot of unintentional alliteration and I'm totally digging it, LOL)

Here's the thing. I grew up in trauma. As a result, for survival, I would naturally disassociate. I remember explaining to my Mom that I often felt like Dexter (sans the killing people part of course)- knowing in certain situations that I should feel something or act a certain way but just feeling empty on the inside.

I've worked my ass off in trauma therapy to begin to emotionally regulate myself. Now, here and there I do feel things. Sometimes super strongly. Sometimes not at all. But as time moves forward there are still MANY days where I'm like Damn ya'll, how do people move through life FEELING THEIR FEELINGS? It SUCKS AND ITS REALLY HARD SOMETIMES. Can I get an Amen.

I think that the most brave, honest thing we can do is to stand in what we are feeling, to own it, to nurture it, to not judge it, to sit with it, to not beat it with a stick, to not run away from it. In lieu of the first FEEL TO HEAL post I've compiled a list of things that have helped me with navigating the Feels and may also help you too.

1)  Find Yo Safe Space - Life can be hectic. And hard. And can feel like it's moving at 1000 miles an hour. I used to work 14 hour days in restaurant management, 5-6 days a week and often times the thing that saved me was knowing I could come home and sit on my yoga mat in this corner nook that I made in my apartment. I made that nook so freaking cozy, and warm and inviting and then I didn't let anyone else come into my nook because it was my space to let all my shit out. Create a safe space that you can come back to and see what happens. (And maybe your safe space isn't at your house- maybe its at a SoulCycle in the studio. Maybe its in your woodshop. Wherever it is- whatever you want to be- just make it and claim it as YOUR PLACE).

2) Create space, then Sit with it. Release it- I completed my yoga training with this bright, beautiful soul named Amelia from Winnipeg. She gave birth to a baby boy and then lost him shortly after. She has been super honest and open about how this process has changed her and her life- and I remember reading about how (and I'm paraphrasing because this was awhile ago) she decided to set aside 30 minutes every day to just sit with it all. I remember her saying that even on days when she felt ok, she would still take the 30 minutes. I also really like this example because I find the compartmentalization helpful. For ex, When the feels came up and I was running a service on a 14 hour day, I would set it aside in my mind and know that I could come back to it later during that 30 minute time frame when I was home. Things are different now that I'm out of the restaurant industry but there are still days when I come home, lay on my back, stare up at the ceiling and just feel it all (without any vices) even though it hurts like hell. I know this sounds fluffy but its not. I've battled my demons in this space. Its hard. But you got this. You are strong enough to sit through anything.

3) Stop Beating the Shit out of Yourself- I know, I'm swearing a lot in this post. But I'm serious. Stop beating the shit out of yourself. This is the HARDEST thing to change but will have the greatest impact on your life. This is a super slow process and it takes a lot of mental work but it is definitely possible. Let me tell you this. You are entitled to your feelings. All of them. Your journey is different than everyone else around you. What you say matters, what has happened to you matters, how you feel about it matters. Whatever asshole voice in your head is ridiculing you about the way you are moving through something or dealing with something- that voice does not belong to you. And you can trump that voice by re-learning a new one. I promise. I've done it. But it's about re-training your mind. Writing encouragement letters to yourself works. Writing cheesy positive stuff on post it notes works. Keeping a journal and writing hilarious stuff in it works. Anything. Just start small. Find ways to encourage yourself. Even if it feels unnatural, you gotta fake it till you make it. 

4) Surround Yourself with Good People- My life HUGELY shifted when I began to look at my close relationships and see what was serving me and what wasn't. I had to get honest with myself. Support systems are EVERYTHING. And I know that I can't move through all this stuff on my own. I need encouragement and guidance from strong, empowering, kind women. I need that. We aren't hard-wired to do this on our own anyways. No one is. I know now that on days I'm struggling with the Feels, I have a crazy awesome support system of people I can call to say Hey. I'm having a hard time. Can you listen for a few minutes? Can you offer me some Love? Everyone deserves to feel supported and loved and accepted and I encourage you to seek this out if it is missing in your life.

That's it, that's all for now. I never know how to end these. Feel your feels and eat some tacos BYE! xo

Waking up During the Night? This can mean different things depending on the time!

So- I am a frequent night-waker. It's rare that I get through the night without waking up multiple times. This has been something that has been happening with me for years- and also something I've never really given much thought to. I've always chalked it up to not being able to shut my brain off before bed.

I've had so many conversations about so many things with my amazing and intelligent friend, Dr. Camille Krause- and this came up in one of our chats awhile back. I had NO idea waking up at different times in the night could mean different things.

In regards to the Move to Heal Project- a big learning component for me over the years has been looking at how to love and care for myself. Getting a good nights sleep definitely falls into this category, which is why I wanted to share it here.

If you're wanting more info on Dr. Camille Krause, you can find her info under our FEEL TO HEAL page, as well as through the link at the bottom of this article.

Happy Sleeping :)

**********************************************************

Dr. Camille Krause, ND

So, you're waking up in the night?
 
Different times of waking can actually mean different problems. Sorting these problems out is the type of thing I do daily with my patients to get them sleeping through the night. 

(I'd love to share some of this information with you below!)
 
2am Wake Time

If you start waking up at 2am, the likely culprit is blood sugar.

When blood sugar gets too low the body thinks it’s a matter of survival and will send out alarm signals.
The alarm signals are sent out as adrenaline, which may feel like different things depending on the person:
Some people may feel this as being wired and wide awake in the middle of the night without knowing why, without anxiety or hunger signals.
Some people may also feel ravenous in the middle of the night.
Other people may experience this as sweating, jitteriness, heart palpitations - ie, anxiety!

START NOW:
Try a snack before bed. Something that includes fat, fibre, and protein. The easiest example would be a small handful of nuts.
Balancing your blood sugar through the whole day is also important!

Alcohol

This pattern of 2am waking is also seen in some people when they have had alcohol in the evening. Alcohol causes blood sugar to rise and then drop off suddenly within a 1-3 hour span.
The type of alcohol doesn’t necessarily matter – so even though wine actually has very little carbohydrates, it’s not the sugar that is causing a blood sugar spike, it’s the body’s response to alcohol.
 
START NOW:
See if you notice a pattern of whether your sleep is affected by alcohol. 

5am Wake Time (or, 1-2 hours before your alarm)

the likely culprit here is cortisol.

This means you're feeling wired (as if it's time to start the day) even though your alarm hasn't gone off yet.
Cortisol is known as a stress hormone, but it’s also an integral part of our circadian rhythm.  It’s our "get-up-and-go hormone", and helps us feel awake and alert throughout the course of the day.
You may notice that if you sleep in past this early morning wakeup, you actually feel more drained and groggy – because the cortisol is no longer as high and helping with alertness.

The goal is to calm down the cortisol overnight, so that it isn't overactive in the early mornings, and lets the person get those restful last few hours of sleep – then have cortisol be available to them during the day, when they need it to focus!
 
START NOW:
Many things calm down cortisol before bed, including exercise (earlier in the day), mindfulness, no screens or stimulating content before bed, and a bedtime routine that shakes off the thoughts of a busy day.   

If you are waking throughout the night, and the times aren't constant, there is more complexity to the issue - but of course it is still solvable!

Nighttime waking may be related to hot flashes, progesterone deficiency, or serotonin deficiency, as a few examples.
 
Lastly, if someone is waking multiple times in the night to use the washroom, this could mean they are not sleeping DEEPLY enough.

The body should be able ignore signals of a full bladder (within reason), while still maintaining sphincter function, and allow you to sleep.
If those bladder signals are making it to your conscious mind, you are sleeping too lightly!  I use the number of nighttime trips to the bathroom as a marker for how deeply someone is sleeping. We cannot always increase how long you sleep for, but we can certainly improve sleep quality.

START NOW:
Track your sleep and your wake times. Note how many times you’re using the washroom in the night, and whether you’re able to fall back asleep easily when you do wake.  
Do you notice what wakes you up in the first place?

With regard to the root cause of your different wake-up times, both the

1) 2 am pattern of blood sugar dysregulation AND
2) 5 am cortisol dysregulation

can also be rooted in burnout.  Burnout can be treated!  Sleep is a foundation for all the other hormones and biochemistry of the body to work properly. When someone is able to sleep deeply through the night, their body can function better on many different levels.

Often tracking the pattern is a helpful place to start, and a healthcare practitioner can better guide what those patterns mean, and what to do about it.

You’ll find more information on burnout atwww.FatigueFixWaterloo.com

Write to Heal

Someone I was chatting with a long time ago said something that really stuck with me:

"You can't have just one lifeline"

I brushed it off at the time, but as I moved through depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD- I realized how important it is to have multiple streams of support. Ie- a doctor you trust, a great counsellor, a strong inner circle of friends, a community you can be involved in- etc.

Writing has always been in my bones. While I have never been much of a journaller, I have always felt a release writing creatively through essays and poems.

I began to write poetry again after reading Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. Her book moved me so much. It was the first poetry book I had read that was raw and spoke directly to the pain she had experienced. On top of that, it was also so open and completely badass and empowering.

I knew that if she could speak to her pain, I could too- that maybe, if it was difficult to talk about, it may be a little easier to write about.

8 months later I wrote a novel, which I recently self-published.

The Write to Heal portion of the site will be a space where I will share my own writing in hopes of inspiring others to pull out a pen and paper and explore what they have gone through.

All poems will be paired with yoga- just like in my book- to encourage movement.

For Todays Poem:

He tells you he loves you

and then he leaves you

Over and over again

He does it until you believe

This is what love is

-Father

(Camel pose/Ustrasana)- To Open the Heart

To purchase an e-copy of Cayla's book, copy and paste this link into your browser:

http://www.blurb.ca/b/8106364-trauma-revival?ebook=634808